capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I supernannyed him into submission
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
