she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
