i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
