I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is Oprah even human
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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