Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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