Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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