There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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