This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
