I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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