Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
