cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize