how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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