Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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