I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it's great music for shaving your balls
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
