Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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