I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
