tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
