I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
