Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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