Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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