everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
