Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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