the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
