she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
