She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
