you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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