Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That's intense
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
