Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
