I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
