Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
