Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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