ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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