i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
then he tried to convert me to islam
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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