Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
