Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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