I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So squirting runs in the family.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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