ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
