A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
