just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
