I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
