I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
