im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
