Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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