Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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