we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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