Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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