New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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