Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
