babies were throwing up all over the place
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We left the knife in your bed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
