those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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