You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
