i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
