Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
