Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
