it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
