Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
