you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
People in love make me want to vomit
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
