woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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