I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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