Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
