Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
