Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
