I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
