Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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