i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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