I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
