the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
