you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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