Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
