so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
