Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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