Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
