no, he came in my armpit
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
