Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize