mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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