Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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