So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
