we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
