How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
