Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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