would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
