So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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