remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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